Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
