WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
