I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
