I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
