the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I CAN MOONWALK!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
