just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
