just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
