So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
