I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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