I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
