omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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