Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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