I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
