if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drake has all the answers
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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