So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
