She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
