SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
