alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
