Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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