Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
