It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
