That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
