I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
