well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
