You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
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