Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
