How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
