This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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