why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
