I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
