I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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