I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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