i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
