No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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