so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
