the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
