i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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