look no pants
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Randomize
