Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
