My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
