Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
