Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
