The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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