either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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