No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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