so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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