I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
