look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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