This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
