When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
