We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
