I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
