She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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