I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
