rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I am mentally ready for anal.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
